Friday, 18 July 2014

My worst fear.

Often I question myself, am I doing this right? I am good enough or not? You know my worst fear...Not living up to the expectations. Being a disssapointment.
We don't know what is there in our cards only thing we can do is trust the instinct and move one. But I wonder, what will happen when you turn out to be "not good enough for this world". Will your people still accept you?
The thing is I'm scared. I'm scared of being the next the dissapointment.
I regret some decisions in my life, and regret is not something  to live by. I wish I could be more expressive. To tell someone 'I love you', 'I miss you', 'I'm here for you,always'. Yet I never told them to anyone. And thats the thing I regret. These unspoken words, untouched feelings  burried deep down with regret. I want say so much to everybody yet I cant, because i'm a walking peice of irony.
I'm like that girl who can never console you during an ugly time but can always give you a shoulder to cry on. I'm here for you, ALWAYS even if you don't care..I want people to understand me, because I can talk 24 hours about random stuff but I can never tell you a bit my emotions.  I can never  work with my emotions, neither I can express them.

I want to be good enough for everybody, do something that'll make my parents proud, my friends smile and make myself content.

I wonder what I'm doing is right, is this enough.
So many unawnsered questions.

Thursday, 10 July 2014

I'm not like Her

Well I should be in bed right now because I'm damn tired but since I have'nt updated my blog in a while,  so thought I'll update this peice of shit.
Okay for past few day something's been going in my mind and I'd like to write about it.

A few days ago I was stalking my crush's ex- girlfriend's profile, accept it everybody does that. And I  thought to myself , why I'm not like her? I mean at some point you do realize what you can be and what can't be.

She is like the opposite pole of myself. She's got great legs, sexy pout and definatly way cooler dresses than me. I on the other hand, don't really own any dresses!  I don't own  a single pair of heels ( and my mom is threatning me to throw my red sneaks.)

Indeed, that moment you realize you cannot carry the same dress because your waist is definatly not 24. Maybe thats why guys don't make a move at me, because they know I'm not like her. I like to read rather than gossip, wear black tees over floral tops, chatter loudly instead of doing  a sexy pout and being obssesed with Black Veil Brides and Avenged Sevenfold rather than Justin Beiber and One Direction (oh by the way, I hate 1D, there I said it!)
Guys, don't like girls like me because they know "I'm not like her". I can never be like her.

News flash: Guys like dumb shallow girls, they prefer plastic over epithelial cells.

In the meantime I'm okay with being a Tangled Girl.