What is Success?

I week ago we had a discussion on success, what does succes means to you? It seemed quite vague and I got some pretty weird answers. Someone said "Money", "Becoming a doctor", "Satisfaction", "Proving someone wrong". However when it came to me I was blank, I didn't know the meaning of success.
Hence, I did some research on success and this what I can across. Literally, success is defined as-
"noun"E
  * 1.the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.
2)the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; the accomplishment of one's goals.

Yet I still wasn't sure of the meaning.
I did some more research and eventually found that, the answer was in front of me.
A smile. A smile because of me.
Making people smile, thats what I want to do in my life.Becoming the reason behind that smile. Hearing a genuine "thank you", knowing that I left some impression in someone's life. This all might seem cliche to you, but trust me it's not.
Yesterday I was talking to my friend from old school. She said she missed, however I replied its stupid to miss people now, its done, gone, memories needs to be cherished and all that crap.( She copied my words as her status, woah!). But to my surprise she told me this, "Sammy just because you're gone doesn't mean that I can't miss you, you said never to be bothered by anyone and believe in myself, well I do now! Thank you because of you I can finally think myself as "something"."
But in the end it was me who was smiling. I was glad I did something for which someone "remembers me".
This is what I want to do now. I dont have any proffessional goals yet but  I want to get into med school, because that will make my parents smile. I want to do something for them.
I want to do something and in return people's smiles will be my token of content.
Thats success for me.

My worst fear.

Often I question myself, am I doing this right? I am good enough or not? You know my worst fear...Not living up to the expectations. Being a disssapointment.
We don't know what is there in our cards only thing we can do is trust the instinct and move one. But I wonder, what will happen when you turn out to be "not good enough for this world". Will your people still accept you?
The thing is I'm scared. I'm scared of being the next the dissapointment.
I regret some decisions in my life, and regret is not something  to live by. I wish I could be more expressive. To tell someone 'I love you', 'I miss you', 'I'm here for you,always'. Yet I never told them to anyone. And thats the thing I regret. These unspoken words, untouched feelings  burried deep down with regret. I want say so much to everybody yet I cant, because i'm a walking peice of irony.
I'm like that girl who can never console you during an ugly time but can always give you a shoulder to cry on. I'm here for you, ALWAYS even if you don't care..I want people to understand me, because I can talk 24 hours about random stuff but I can never tell you a bit my emotions.  I can never  work with my emotions, neither I can express them.

I want to be good enough for everybody, do something that'll make my parents proud, my friends smile and make myself content.

I wonder what I'm doing is right, is this enough.
So many unawnsered questions.

I'm not like Her

Well I should be in bed right now because I'm damn tired but since I have'nt updated my blog in a while,  so thought I'll update this peice of shit.
Okay for past few day something's been going in my mind and I'd like to write about it.

A few days ago I was stalking my crush's ex- girlfriend's profile, accept it everybody does that. And I  thought to myself , why I'm not like her? I mean at some point you do realize what you can be and what can't be.

She is like the opposite pole of myself. She's got great legs, sexy pout and definatly way cooler dresses than me. I on the other hand, don't really own any dresses!  I don't own  a single pair of heels ( and my mom is threatning me to throw my red sneaks.)

Indeed, that moment you realize you cannot carry the same dress because your waist is definatly not 24. Maybe thats why guys don't make a move at me, because they know I'm not like her. I like to read rather than gossip, wear black tees over floral tops, chatter loudly instead of doing  a sexy pout and being obssesed with Black Veil Brides and Avenged Sevenfold rather than Justin Beiber and One Direction (oh by the way, I hate 1D, there I said it!)
Guys, don't like girls like me because they know "I'm not like her". I can never be like her.

News flash: Guys like dumb shallow girls, they prefer plastic over epithelial cells.

In the meantime I'm okay with being a Tangled Girl.

Emma Watson: The Epitome of Perfection

You must be aware about my unhealthy obsesssion with Harry Potter. But Harry Potter is more than that. Iam not only crazy about Hermione Granger but I am also nuts over the girl who plays her.
Emma Watson epitomize perfection. And these quotes justifies it. She is indeed my #1 girl crush. I mean c'mon look at her, she is hot and she can act. If these quotes are true then she should be every young girl's role model.
You go Emma Watson!

Image Source - Buzzfeed

Random Post about Procrastination

By now I've tried to write 3 diffrent posts, but all went to the draft box, I don't even know if this going to make it to the Blog.
So here Iam amigos and I have nothing new with me, my neurons are so numb right now.
So if I have to write about something then why not write about what I am doing write now? PROCRASTINATING. Well I am not really procrasting because typing but yeah, I am definatly procrasting about other things. Like, I should be studying quantum mechanics right now but what the fuck! I still a week of summer vacations...I guess?
Also, I should've written this post a long time ago...but who cares, nobody even reads this.
Procrastination, my uttermost guilty pleasure, it's the only thing I can do perfectly in my life. Procrastination keeps me alive, there I said it!

So don't give a fuck to anything, just sit back and relax. Got tonnes of work? Darling Die Another Day but remember Tomorrow never dies ( Yep that was a James Bond refrence).
Got like a millions of problems? Raise your finger salute and say "fuck you". Life will still go on, problems will still remain so why solve them today huh? Trust me, check oxford problem is a synonym of Life. ( Forgive me for being too pessismist)

Please comment, I know who is viewing my blog and I wan't to interact with you people.

Yeah by the way thanks for all the pageviews, it has crossed 1000 now yay! New milestone reached. Fuck you!

Post prompts- Boredom and procrastination

Teen Pop Songs of 00s that will Kickstart your nostalgia

So yesterday I turned on a random radio channel and no one cannot guess what song I heard? "Come Clean"by Hillary Duff. OMG! It was just so overwhelming, I mean hearing Lizzie Mcguire again after so many, I drowned in my nostalgic waves. Then I went on youtube and listened every childhood song I could remember you know Jojo, michelle branch, Ashley Tisdale. So if disney, nickelodean were your first fandom or even if you're just a chick flick lover like me, I reckon you must check out this playlist. Trust me you'll be brimming with nostalgia.
Get your feels up girls or guys?
Well so this is my playlist.

1. Liz Phair- Why can't I
2. Michelle Branch- Everywhere
3. Michelle Branch- Are you happy now
4. Myra- Miracles Happen ( this is a new addition but belongs to the same genre)
5. Jojo- Leave (get out)
6. Jojo- Little too late
7. Aly and Aj- Rush (remember twiches?)
8. Aly and Aj - Walking on Sunshine ( remember herbie?)
9. Mandy Moore - We're Dancing
10. Jonas bothers, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato- Send it on
11. Vanessa Hudgens-Say OK
12. Selena Gomez - Tell me Something I don't know
13. Shontelle- Impossible
14. Christina Aguilera- Genie in a bottle
15. Brittany Spears - Stronger
16. Brittany Spears - Not a girl, not yet a woman ( PS these both songs are featured in movie "Crossroads", starring Brittany Spears herself. Its a very cute movie about growing up, love and friendship, you should watch it sometime.)
17. Vanessa Carlton - Thousand Miles
18. P!nk-  If god is a DJ
19. Rihanna - Take a bow
20. Destiny child- independent woman

Little familier? I memorized almost every song mentioned here. Indeed my music prefrences changed over time and these songs just became mere memories. I don't remember if still have my lyric notebook with me or Hannah Montana music CDs, but as I mentioned before Iam drowning in nostagia feels.

I don't turn red when someone asks what were my favorite childhood songs, because your childhood needs to cherished and not be something to be ashamed of.
Alright, I agree Miley Cyrus has turned into an uber bitch now, but I cannot ignore Hannah Montana and everything.
Don't like contemprory pop? Then don up your headphones and listen to your favorite childhood songs , no matter if its pop,  metal or rock. Just remember no one can influence you or your thoughts, you are one peice of art and only you can change your colours.

If you have some childhood stories or you want to add something to this playlist, just comment below.

Please review.

Insomnia?

Hey everybody! Sorry I haven't been active lately because of studies and stuff but here Iam yay!
Today Iam going to talk about insomnia perks! So all those insomniacs out there this one is for you.
Insomnia, according to science is a phsycological disease which arises due to your lack of sleep. Studies have revealed that if you're not getting sufficient sleep, your brain cells tends to grow weaker. But guess what sick people? My brain is fuctioning fine and Iam probably  getting my trignometry answers right! (probably)
Alright enough of this science talk, I'll tell you what I do when I can't sleep and this is coming from a 3 year old insomniac. Here it is.
I usually study after 11 and procrastrinate at the same time. Fuck! See what I did there?
Night time is the best time to write. I've written almost 5 harry potter fanfictions by now but all have only one chapter. Yeah Iam trying to work on that.
Music? Music always help when you can't sleep, but  what happens when your playlist ia filled with heavy metal  and hard rock songs? You headbang till you wake your annoying sister. Headbanging? Maybe that can work.

But when everything fails eventually, you lay there on your bed and wonder about all the stupid mistakes you've ever made and compare reality possibilities. Trust me, it's every teenager's favorite thing to do at night."like I shoud've punched that girl instead of making a fool out of myself" or "I shoud've confessed everything to him instead of standing there like a dumb moron". There is huge gap between expectation and reality. See this is what happens when you do something wrong, the regrets haunt you at night and eventually bid farewell to your sleep.

So after writing 500 words maybe, I realized there are no perks of being an insomaniac.The only perk you have his, you can chat all night with your guy. Yeah

In conclusion Insomnia is natural if but you still want brag about being an insomaniac teenager, I reckon try caffeine, yep it works everytime, or if you want to get rid of your insomania, seek phsycological help. I would have done that years ago but lazy ass always takes the charge.

PS this post was created out of utter boredom.