Crushing hard!

When i look at him it gives me a heart warming sensation. My chest starts beating like a base drum. It is difficult for me to make an eye contact with him. We are friends yet we dont know each other very well. Moreover he doesn't care if i exist or not. I've been crushing over him for a about a year and i cannot bring myself to tell him the truth. He is very nice out- going guy, really into sports and prefers fun cheerful and girly girls. Unlike me, iam the complete opposite of what he likes,  a bookworm and hard rock music geek.
All i want to do is box up all these feelings and throw them away. I dont want to feel anything for him because i know he will never fall for a girl like me.
Here i quote taylor swift's song- "she wear short skirts i wear t-shirts she's cheer captain and iam on the bleachers". Dont you think its true? guys never fall for girls like us. We will always be the one standing in the corner, looking at them everytime without ever getting noticed. Its true. Life is not likr books, movies or taylor swift's songs. Someday you have to get out of  your fantasy.
But Somehow iam cool with it because i know crushes come and go, nothing lasts forever. It just needs time. :)

Who was he? (fictional story)

Note- all fictional content.
It was a cold winter evening and we were sitting together in my community park. Every saturday was our badminton day. when we were young we played everyday but since we only got saturdays to ourselves now, it became our badminton playing day.
After playing for 1 hour continously i asked him to sit down. To my surprise he agreed. He was the kind guy who always pushed me play more.
"from how long we've been doing this?" he asked looking staight into my eye.
"doing what?" i asked. No i wasnt supposed to know the answer.
"you know playing badminton, discussing and doing stupid stuff"
"seven years i guess" i replied
Indeed, we've been friends for 8 years. until now it never occoured to me how close we were.
Suddenly out of nowhere he held my hand. Holding his hand gave some gut spinning vibrations. His hand was warm and soft and mine was ice cold.His eyes were glittering now. They had a tinch of green which also i never noticed and i was lost in his gaze. Why my mind was going nuts? he only held my hand. Good friends do that.
I should've pulled away from that moment but i didnt, instead i kept holding his hand. It was a few minutes later when i relaised that i was holding my bestfriend's warm fingers. My cautioness told it was not right. Without uttering a word i got up on my feet and started walking. This feeling was not supposed to be felt. I started walking faster and felt something warm on my cheek. He kept calling my name but chose to ignore it. All i could think about was indulge into this cold and forget the touch of his warm hands. I never bothered to ask him why he did that, i just kept walking.

I never knew why i ran away that day. I didnt know why felt that way. But i knew that i was supposed to get rid of this feeling ASAP.
:)
Guys i would really appreciate some feedback. Should i delete this blog? :)

OMG 100 views!

My blog just crossed 100 views! Alright thats a pretty big number for me because i created this friggin blog YESTERDAY.!
Alright i'll try to post some more. Please give me a feedback if you can.
PS i just enabled my 'comment' button. So little birdies a little feedback would be wonderful :)

Yay Me!

I love this picture. Found it on facebook,  story of every teenager, see my 1st post if you dont know what i mean. :)

Should i delete this blog?

I live in a place where everybody judges you about everything. How you dress, how you talk, what you eat. You can always see your score on everybody's playcards no matter how hard you try to ignore.
And that is the reason iam thinking about making this blog private. I never wanted to blog in the first place, but my friends and teachers told me u've got some creativity. But what if they find this blog and publicize it? Right now iam happy that my pageviews are only limited to unknown people so i dont want any person from my school to see it and make opinions about my writing and language.
What should i do? :)

Always a choir member

I study in a convent school. Every convent school has its own choir and i've been a choir member since 5th grade. I dont mind standing in the crowd but people around me says, you need to step up and find your lead role. But guess what is not easy. According to Charles Darwin theory, every organism must compete to survive, competition is the key element of survival. But what if that organism doesn't want to compete. What if he finds some other way to dodge this competion and still lead a happy life. Darwin got his theory, i got mine. Sometimes you need to forget these theories and create your own. Take a leap and move forward. I will find my way eventually but i'll be more glad if i do it my way.
So i dont mind standing with my guitar in the backdrop, i dont mind being the witty support group girl. Screw this world i will create my own theory :)

My immense love for books

You see those? yeah they are mine. I mean have a triple of these but this only the display. I was never a reader kind of girl though. This all started when i was 13. Everybody was discussing Chetan Bhagat's Revolution 2020 and my participation in every conversation was zero. So bought this book, read it and guess what? i loved it. Furthur i always carried a book on family vacations. Then i bought some books, some more and more and soon i had a bookshelf to myself. Obiviously my reading prefrences changed over time. So here are my current favorite books The fault in our stars- John Green Divergent triology- Veronica Roth The Hunger Games triology- Suzanne Collins The Spectacular Now- Tim Tharp Kissing Snowflakes- Abby Sher The Host- Stephenie Meyer The Mortal Instruments series- Cassandra Clare And did i metion Harry Potter? My parents think i waste my time on reading books. I should some more informative and productive books. But hey not everybody wants to be engineer :)

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When i was young i always wanted to be teenager but now the idea of "teenage fun" feels stupid to me. I have no bestfriend, i have no boyfriend but i have a pretty good family. People always use "bubbley" term to describe me and feel very bubbley myself but somehow i feel very diffrent when iam alone. Iam almost friends with everyone in my batch yet i dont feel very friendly to them. I've got like 500 school facebook friends yet i dont know anyone of them. Well whoever is reading this must be thinking- does she know what she is writing about?. See this what i wanted to explain, teenagers are mostly confused or atleast iam. But one thing iam sure about, if i keep updating this blog i may find my story. :)

It was stupid right? well who cares nobody will read this XD